Dating Advice: Dating Traditions in China – Tips for the New Year
In Chinese traditions, the New Year is based on the Hsia (Solar) Calendar and the Lunar Calendar, thus placing the Chinese New Year in February. By the Hsia Calendar, the New Year starts February 4th. In the next year, we will be celebrating the Year of the Tiger.
Dating per se is more of a Western cultural convention which started in the early 20th century. So, many of the singles dating conventions are not as deeply rooted in Chinese culture as they are in the West. Dating Traditions in China vary certainly by province as well as by proximity to large international metropolitan cities which introduce Western culture and create a hybrid. Singles dating traditions in China are still geared towards the idea that dating is for the purpose of finding spouse, marrying, and having children to create an inter-generational family. Dating traditions and conventions in China differ from their Western counterparts in that singles are less likely to date a number of singles nor pursue a bachelor or bachelorette lifestyle for long. In Chinese culture, the importance of legacy and multiple generations within a family is still greatly importance. Not that every family is going to go create a dynasty. However, that is still the cultural model for the dating traditions within China.
With that established, in a manner similar to another Asian culture, India, parents and family are still often involved in mate selection in the dating traditions of China. In fact, you can almost better think of the the dating traditions in China being one more of “Courtship” stressing than “Dating” emphasis. Families are looking to help their single members not only to marry for the ephemeral whimsy of Romantic Love but also to provide the perspective of what makes for a good spouse, what sort of temperaments, predilections, resources and position, and skill set. These are not exactly what Westerns might consider an “Arranged Marriage,” but parents are still often quite involved and make meaningful introductions. In fact, they do so well with it, that many Western singles are tad envious that their own families are not helping them out to find a Life Mate.
Within Chinese Cultural Traditions for Dating and Courtship is the checking for compatibility of the couple’s respective Ba Zi numbers, a form of Chinese astrology based on their birthdates. If their numbers are deemed compatible, then a courtship can proceed. Of course, in larger metropolitan centers with large universities with international studies, more the Western practices of dating and single men and single women interacting socially and romantically occurs as well. In Chinese Culture, a woman still often marries in her 20s and considered unusual to not be already wed if she is in her 30s. This is one of the ways in which the Dating practices between China and the Western countries differ. In Western culture, many college educated women desire to establish a career first and perhaps even to pursue a graduate degree program.
Of course, with the advent of the Internet and an increased openness, more and more Chinese singles are seeking to find love and a mate online. There are plenty of resources available: Asian Online Dating Sites
Happy Dating and Relationships,
Las Vegas Baby Boomer Dating Expert
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I cannot even fathom an arranged marriage. I can’t even imagine having help from my family in finding a spouse. To me so much of it is pheromones and attraction. I don’t care how much a guy has in his wallet, or how much hair he has on his head. There has to be some attraction and the personality has to be a fit. How can a family possibly help someone pick a mate?!!!! All I can say is I’m glad I live in America! Excellent post – this is not something I would have thought of.
Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert
Babysitting Services, Babysitting Tips, Babysitters, Nannies
April,
I love to learn more about other cultural traditions. I have to agree with Lisa, keep the family away from the courtship.
Lynn Lane
Success Strategies For Life
The women who put career first become very jaded, lonely and spiteful of men (despite their success and education). I do not have a probleme with women who want the career but at the same time, these women complain loudly about the lack of quality men. Just because the woman has a career and a degree, does not automatically qualifiy the woman as “instant wife material”
Coming from a black perspective, I don’t want my family picking a wife for me. Heck, my family has not been too good at suggesting potential dates for me.
Hi Alex,
thanks for stopping by my blog and chiming in.
April
It is always interesting to me to see things from a different cultural perspective. I am dating someone who parents are from another culture and they are definitely much more “hands on” than any of the American parents I have dealt with! I actually kind of welcome it. But she doesn’t!
Anthony
http://www.functionalzen.com
The UK is pretty much like the US from a dating perspective – except perhaps that the men tend to be more reserved and the women less reserved!
There are probably still some arranged marriages in the upper echelons of the upper classes – royalty etc – but I’m only guessing.
Martin Wright
Impact, Poise, Presenting, Coaching, NLP
Hi Derrick,
thank you for stopping by and commenting at my dating and relationship advice blog. With so many cultures, indeed, there are so many different living situations and family arrangements. It’s not just all homogenous.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
April, I’m curious, as a dating expert, thank you for this advice on Chinese courting customs, Let me ask a quick question. I’m looking to meet an Asian woman specifically. I guess I’ve always had an interest in Asian women. Can anyone tell me any differences between Chinese girls and Japanese girls? These types of Asian women are the most attractive to me. However do conventional pickup techniques work, if she doesn’t speak English?
Hi April, I am having difficulties thinking about the difference in dating practices between the United States and China at your site. The ideas seem very interesting across cultures for singles and families.
I like the idea of getting around and meeting more people for dates.
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April, it would be interesting to also track the divorce rates in China and the United States. My bet would be that overall the Chinese way is at least as successful as the United States way long term!
Sonya Lenzo
http://www.oldbooksmarket.com
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