Dating Tip – Should You Lie About Your Age in Your Online Dating Profile?

by April Braswell on May 10, 2010

Internet Dating Tip – Should You Lie About Your Age in Your Online Dating Profile?

Internet Dating Expert AdviceTip – OK for You to Lie About Your Age in Your Online Dating Profile?

Online Dating Help – OK to Lie About Your Age in Your Internet Dating Profile?

Computer Dating Answers – Should You Lie About Your Age in Your Internet Personals Ads Dating Profile?

Web Dating Questions – Should You Lie About Your Age in Your Net Dating Profile?

Los Angeles Area Singles Seem to Be Habitually Lying About Their Age in Their Dating Profile, Is This OK to Do, too?

 

Online Dating Profile Advice – How to Manage Your Age in Your Profile When You Look Great for Your Age:

Singles email me and ask me also in person at my Singles Dating Classes in Los Angeles, “Is it ok to lie about your age in your internet dating profile?”   Quite often, the singles who ask this are typically over 40 and 50 years old, are in great shape, and look young for their age.  Their challenge is they don’t want potential dating partners who are searching by the age range search criteria to pass them by.  If people were to meet them in face-to-face life, they would take them for younger then they are and date well.  They are looking for the same thing at the online dating sites.

 

Computer Dating Profile Advice – It’s Not Fair To Have To Cite Your Age Online When You Look Great In Person

The problem with this question is that you are lying online.  Now, yes, it’s not fair.  Yes, I agree.  It’s not fair.  You look simply fabulous for your age.  You look years younger than your peers. It’s not fair that if your prospective dates meet you first in person they would think you are probably mid-30s.  You simply are benefiting from your youthful good looks.  In person, by looking young and vital, you are leveraging your attractiveness and charisma.  You’re not lying by looking good in person.

 

Online Dating Profile Advice – The Problem When You Lie About Your Age in Your Internet Dating Profile

However, it’s a problem to online.  Why?  Because to lie about your age in your internet dating profile is a whole other thing.  You are overtly lying.  With my professional sales and marketing background, I am all about positioning the truth as favorably as possible.  Being single women, we understand using all the tools of beauty, fitness, health, hair, and make-up to look our best.  However, that is looking our best.  We are not lying when we wear lipstick.  We are not lying when we color enhance our hair with a color treatment.  We are not lying when we were marvelous lingerie that displays our feminine figures to their best advantage.

What is your goal in going online?  Why are you posting at the internet personals ads?  When you answer that question with, “April, I want to get married.  I want a loving life partner relationship with someone I can really share my life with.” Then when you lie about your age in your online dating profile, should your relationship go past the first few dates and actually develop into that life partner relationship you want, at some point you will have to TELL THEM, “I lied to you.”

Who likes to hear, “I lied to you”?

Raise your hand.

Yeah, not many takers.

There are little white lies.  There are lies of omission.  There are lies of where we really thought one thing and another person has a different perspective.

Lying about your age in your online dating profile, however, is overt lying.  Overt lying means that you specifically, consciously, and intentionally lied to another person.

When you specifically and intentionally lie to another person at the start, that is the foundation for your romantic relationship.  When your relationship progresses and you start to share more of yourself and your life with them, you will at some point need to tell them the truth.  When you do tell them the truth, the problem is, in the back of their mind, they will start to wonder, “What else are they lying to me about?” Even if you and they even think that age is such a small factor, and it is really not an important detail.  And it is not that important a detail.  However, your character attribute of “Being Truthful” just became, “Overtly Lies.” Your relationship will suffer.  You will have sabotaged the development of your mutual trust.  Your partner will be wondering and wondering.  The question, “Where else are they lying to me?” will simply always be niggling in the back of their brain and bother them.

When it comes to online dating it is simply better to practice the character attribute of “Being Truthful.” Then all the dates you meet from internet dating have a good foundation and you can see if they develop into a lasting love relationship.  To do otherwise sabotages them from the get go.

Happy Dating and Relationships,

 

April Braswell

Dating and Relationship Expert

As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition

Ms. Braswell leads Internet Singles Dating Classes for singles of all ages in the Los Angeles area.

{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }

alam ghafoor May 10, 2010 at 1:45 PM

April as always your advice is bang on the button….don’t start off by lieing about your age…get the foundation right and the relationship will blossom .

Steve Chambers May 10, 2010 at 2:26 PM

I find it’s best to tell the truth in all things, but in my experience most people lie about their age, especially women.

Steve Chambers

Rob Northrup May 10, 2010 at 4:39 PM

If you are trying to form a lasting relationship, then you need to be truthful.

If you are looking for something a little more casual, then give an accurate photo and an age range like Over 30…

Seize the Day,
Rob

Lisa McLellan May 10, 2010 at 4:57 PM

I can see how one would want to lie about his or her age online. When people look good for their age and take care of themselves, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that they would like someone who either also looks very good for their age or someone who simply is younger.
Maybe online sites should suggest that people widen their age range for a potential partner. Then the people who have taken care of themselves aren’t punished by not being able to get a date with somone they feel is their equal.
Okay, truth is, I have a friend in this situation and she has told me first hand that this is how she feels!

Lisa McLellan

Tim Van Milligan May 11, 2010 at 6:59 AM

I agree with you April. Telling a little white lie in the dating profile will eventually mean that the other person is not going to trust you. You may get more dates at the beginning, but you’ll be wasting your time in the long run. Niche market right from the beginning.

Tim Van Milligan

Trisha Chambers May 11, 2010 at 7:16 AM

Why do people do this? I say, ‘never lie about your age’ if you’re trying to find a relationship.

Dale Bell May 11, 2010 at 10:04 AM

I would be one of those asking myself what else are they lying to me. In a relationship trust is to me one of the most important ones.
Dale

Shane May 11, 2010 at 10:30 AM

Lying is absolutely not a good way to start off a relationship… at all!

Shane

Peggy Larson May 11, 2010 at 10:45 AM

Agreed. I know I’ d always wonder “what else isn’t true?”

Couldn’t a person just post a range or say mid-, early-, or late- somethings?

Peggy Larson

Dennis Miedema May 11, 2010 at 12:15 PM

April. I totally agree.

@ Lisa: you´re right!

To More Dating Success,

Dennis Miedema
Win With Women

elder dating May 12, 2010 at 1:45 AM

Telling lie……………NO!! NO!! never begin any relationship with a lie, if you are really serious about it. It’s better to date some one of your age so you need not lie about your age. Do not run after teenagers, most of them do not want to date someone as old as the their parents and even they do, be sure they have other intentions.

Michelle Mason May 13, 2010 at 10:09 AM

While I understand that people may feel or look younger, I think that people also often forget that you are at a different life stage than those you identify with. For example, I enjoy hanging out with people almost 10 years younger than me, and let myself forget my actual age. But it becomes painfully clear at times that we are not at the same place in life, as much as I would like to pretend otherwise.
I know when I look online at people, I tend to limit the ages, and may be missing out on someone wonderful. But if someone is that much older/younger than me, I feel like there would be a disconnect on some things.

Michelle

Hezron May 15, 2010 at 10:59 AM

I think misrepresenting oneself in a dating situation is a huge no-no. If I found out a woman lied about her age, I would start to question other things she has told me.

Your first paragraph makes no sense to me. The way I see it, if I am in great shape, look good, why would I lie about my age? From my viewpoint, the ones that lie about their age are in some cases; unattractive, poor attitude, selfish and typically have nothing to offer a fine man like me. I suggest some revision of your first paragraph.

michael c May 18, 2010 at 6:30 PM

This is funny.

I met a girl online and I changed my age a long time ago on match but forgot about it.

It wasn’t until the 3rd date that she asked “What’s it like being 35?”

I came clean but blew it since I forgot.

My friend told me what I should have said “35? I am 57!!1 Everyone lies on the interent!! ha ha” It was more in humor than anything but I think you’ll disagree with it.

I think women lie equally as much by using old pictures, understating their weight, and overstating their body type.

Michael

Michael D Walker May 20, 2010 at 10:11 PM

I find it astounding that people lie about their age & then can’t figure out why they have so many problems in relationships.

The only time I really lie outright is about how many times I’ve been to jail. Have never been in jail but always say I have. Makes everyone much more prompt about repaying any money I loan them. :)

Michael
The Success Secrets

Val May 30, 2010 at 1:04 AM

Tell the truth, that’s my motto for dating.

Terry May 30, 2010 at 4:32 AM

Hi April. Yeah, I agree. Lying about your age and then telling me later. yuk. Who wants that in a guy even if he’s cute?

Kerry May 31, 2010 at 2:38 AM

Hi April, you are so right. Being good looking is one thing. Lying in your internet dating profile doesn’t make me comfortable. I’d worry he was always lying to me then.

Donna Lee June 1, 2010 at 4:46 PM

You are telling the truth, April . It’s so true around here. There are plenty of guys who lie in their profiles. It’s really common around the Los Angeles area that good looking guys and girls don’t tell their real age in their internet profiles. Gotta meet in person soon.

Mark July 6, 2010 at 1:12 PM

Well, I lied about my age. Then couldn’t figure out a way to tell her because I would have to admit lying. The relationship was going really well but I had it on my conscience and when she found out it was the end because the trust had been broken. If you’re looking for a serious relationship Don’t Do It!

karol July 28, 2010 at 10:40 AM

I say lie by a few years and clear it up when you think it’s really some one you want to know.
Why? Men are often pretty shallow and cut women off early. I mean this.

If it’s a few years, why not.

Greg S. July 29, 2010 at 12:33 PM

“Lying about your age in your online dating profile, however, is overt lying. Overt lying means that you specifically, consciously, and intentionally lied to another person.”

AKA Bullsh*t

Richard September 12, 2010 at 12:38 PM

I am in this position right now – I posted 35 as my age because I saw so many women make a cut off at 35 for guys they were looking for, I am 38 in real – now I’ve met (first date today after many many emails) someone I think could be Miss Right and this is on my conscience in a big way.

I think I will tell her tomorrow and try to make it light-hearted. The irony is her “cutoff” age for a guy is 38 so it just happens that it was my generic profile – not a specific communication with her – that has created this issue.

I feel terrible reading all these comments and fear that even if she is totally relaxed that my negative feelings about her suspecting what else might not be truthful will interfere somewhat.

It is true what one comment says above that in real life I don’t get overlooked for being 38 because I don’t appear it whereas on the internet I feel I do because the number is presented so immediately and without persona.

Its a bit of a mess – she will have told her family and her friends I am 35. Well I am going to get it done tomorrow – at least it will be within 24 hours of actually meeting her face to face.

I agree with general recommendations – don’t lie about it and then you can just get on with enjoying your dating.

Definitely regretting it now and not looking forward to the conversation tomorrow.

We learn by our mistakes…!

April Braswell September 13, 2010 at 9:50 AM

Hi Richard,

Thank you for stopping by my dating tips blog and commenting. Oh my goodness, see what I mean? It’s so true. These little fudges we do. How did it go? Please do chime in here and let me know.

Happy Dating and Relationships,

April

Peter December 24, 2010 at 8:04 AM

April, I do agree with you that lying would be a problem for me. How could I ever trust her again if she lies to me from the start?

Dee January 29, 2011 at 11:42 PM

I don’t think such a big deal should be made about age… there are bigger lies a person could tell in my opinion. If a person really likes or loves that person they would accept them and their trust shouldn’t diminish because of such a small lie that was told in an online dating site of all places, a place where very few are saints or who are taking the dating seriously. Mostly it’s the younger people who are on these sites anyway and they are just ‘casually looking’. Anyway my point is live life without regrets and don’t make love so complicated because of little lies. A relationship is work and there are much bigger things to worry about in one!

Elana February 13, 2011 at 6:48 AM

This is really common to Los Angeles area. Do you think all singles here are affected by the entertainment industry’s need for the fountain of youth?

Katelan March 6, 2011 at 3:47 AM

looking young is good for women but lying is not good for a relationship, ever.

Detecting a Liar Body Language Reading Woman April 9, 2011 at 6:29 AM

Lying can never be a good idea when what you’re seeking is LTR and not a hook up.

ReadingBodyLanguage April 20, 2011 at 5:10 PM

It’s important for singles to learn to detect a liar online and with body language reading.

Paul August 23, 2011 at 7:30 PM

I’ve been dating with a 65 years old fancy self talking professional writer who lied about her age to start with. I’m kinda curious when and how she’s going to tell me the truth.

martin December 10, 2011 at 1:52 PM

When you reach over 40, and then 45 like I have you WILL become more invisible on an dating site. knock a year or 2 off but add a line in your profile giving your real age with a line saying someething like – ‘ oh by the way I didn’t want to get overlooked by you girls/guys who search with strict limits’. So if they do go on to date they agree with your reasoning. No lie to live!

rhadee January 30, 2012 at 2:19 PM

definitely Lie!! To say a female does not lie when wearing makeup is ridiculous. You never really get what you see. That’s why they call it make up! To make up for what is not really there! Fake hair is a lie…Fake eyelashes are a lie…a booty bra…fake chest..fake height with high heels..spanxs for a fake shape?? U name it ..its all a freakin lie ..so one good lie deserves another!!! I say …Lie Like A Rug!!!!

Amy Richards May 29, 2012 at 9:30 PM

I lie about my age on-line. I am 49, but list my age as 44. Unfortunately, we don’t have the advantage of being seen in person (if we look much younger than our age) in an on-line environment. Since I am past the age of being able to have children, I am careful to only respond to men who are not interested in having more children (even though 44 is at the way outer edge of childbearing as well). I’ve told all the men I met in person my real age on the first date. They’ve all gone out with me again and have said to me (when questioned) they would not have found me on-line if I had used my real age because they set their upper limit age search criteria at 45. I rest my case.

Michael October 20, 2012 at 2:27 PM

What a crappy society we live in that we all define each other by our age.

In days past we defined each other by the color of our skin. Today, we define each other by the number of times we have been around the sun.

Having to list our age on a dating site is as insulting as having to drink out of a separate fountain because our skin is too dark.

desiree March 15, 2014 at 8:15 PM

I agree with Michael. Sites that make women state their age are doing it so men can cull for younger women. Its an overt form of discrimination. Who cares how old you are, and why does it matter? We are as old as we feel; Certainly there are better ways to define ourselves than age. When will discrimination against women on dating sites end? No woman should have to reveal her age, her weight, how much money she makes. It used to be considered rude and invasive to ask such questions. Men want to date younger women, and the dating sites are set up for them.

Look go to Our Time. Women can join and be any age. So what is an older man going to do? Always, always ignore the women his age in favor of the prize, even if the older woman is young and beautiful looking.

I try to keep myself looking vibrant. People mistake me, hell my boyfriend says, I only date women who look 10-15 years younger than they are. Well that defines me! I work hard to look young..

How about websites asking instead for our BIOLOGICAL age…to me that’s what we should really want to know.

Chopra’s enlightened dating site, doesn’t ask for age. Its discrimination in its worst form. Women shouldn’t be forced to lie to get a date. I work hard to look good…why should I be discriminated against by sites who bully women.

Its not a lie to state your biological age!!!

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