Dating Expert Tips on Phone Etiquette for Online Dating

All the Etiquette books out there, I think of wonderful experts like Emily Post and Miss Manners, provide tips, guidelines, and suggestions about how to engage with people socially.

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One topic for etiquette for Dating is:  Phone Etiquette for Online Dating

What are the phone rules and guidelines to use when you are contacting someone you have just “met” via an online dating site?  When your prospective date gives you their phone number, are there some common courtesy and social etiquette guidelines which singles should keep in mind?  And what about texting?  Maybe you don’t phone after a certain hour of night, however, it’s just a text message, right?

I have observed that this is something which in particular the Millenials my not yet even know about.  And some of the GenY and GenX folks are ok about, but generally weak.  I never hear complaints or comments about this from the Baby Boomers, so it seems the Boomer Generation got inculcated on Phone Etiquette guidelines, certainly in relation to work and their career.  So they are already strong in this.

How Late Is Too Late to Phone a New Contact You Met Online?

As a general guideline, don’t phone someone you do not know very well after 9 pm.  That is the super safe, gracious, well-mannered guideline.  However, we are all so very busy these days.  Perhaps you wanted to phone your new contact you met online at the end of your day when you are relaxed, not frazzled and about to do 5 other chores and tasks, after the dishes are washed and put away, and the pots and pans are scrubbed and clean.  And oh my, where did the evening go?  It’s 9:30 pm!  Couldn’t I just phone them now?  9:30 pm really is fine as well.  While the “proper” guideline is 9 pm, by which you cannot go wrong.  However, with someone of the current age, phoning up until about 9:50 is pretty much fine.  Think in terms of being off the phone before 10 pm.  So to initiate a phone call at 9:45 pm or 9:50 pm is still good.  Just know that if you phone after 9:30 pm, you might risk disturbing someone’s sleep who is an early riser.  You run that risk with phone a little later at night.

If you phone after 10 pm, you border on being rude.  After 10:30 pm is rude with a new person/stranger.  Unless they told you in an email, “It’s ok to phone as late at 11 pm….”  Otherwise, just refrain from calling that late until you have met, are better acquainted and know each other a bit.

Some of the Millenials and GenX folks who grew up with MySpace and have been Facebook friends with thousands since middle school, have been inculcated to have a very casual approach to their social life.  This is both kinda great and kinda a problem.  It’s great not to be restricted by too many formalities and to create connection and relationships with others in your peer group and beyond all around the world.  I mean, that’s cool, right?  However, sometimes when we are being very casual in our conversations with someone who is, yes, still, even though you “feel” you know them from the Social Networking and Online Dating site, a stranger.  Asking very personal questions of a stranger when you first talk on the phone or first meet in person for a First Date, is rude.  It also shows poorly on you that you have  a weakness in conversational skills.

How Late Is Too Late to Text a New Contact You Met Online?

Much like the guidelines for phoning, so follows the guideline for sending text messages.  However, the text message, you might be feeling, really isn’t the same as a phone call.  You’re right.  A text message you can ignore more readily than someone phoning you.  However, something which not everyone thinks of is, many people use their cell phone (“mobile” if you’re in the UK or the EU) as their alarm clock.  So, it is right by their head on the bedside table. And here you are thinking of something quick you just wanted to say to them and it is 11:45 pm, 12:30 am, 12:45 am… or later.  And you send your text message over… And “buzz, buzz, buzz.” Their phone is vibrating or text message ringing next to them while they are sleeping.  And it wakes them up.

Not only is that inadvertently rude.  You just disturbed their sleep.  They are now feeling at least irritated by you, and think you lack many of the social graces.  And this is all before they have actually met you.  Your anchor in their emotional nonconscious mind is with the irritation of being awoken in the middle of the night.  Your anchor is:  irritation.  That is not what you want to trigger at the very beginning.

Cell Phone Text Spam

While I am on the topic of text messaging, many people collect wonderful inspirational quotes or favorite Bible verses.  These are a wonderful thing to intersperse into your Tweetstream at Twitter or in your update box at Facebook or MySpace.  However, do not start sending these out on a daily basis to your new Prospective Dates who have graciously given you their phone number.  It’s spamming.  They gave you their phone number to arrange to meet for a First Date.  Use it only for that purpose.  They are not your new best friend.  Nor are they a subscriber to your personal newsletter.  Let them choose to connect and follow you at the Social Networking sites only after you two have met and established a level of acquaintance after a few dates before you do.

Happy Dating and Relationships,

April Braswell

Las Vegas Baby Boomer Dating Expert