In my email bag this week, one young woman asked, “April, there’s this guy who I met online.  I want to meet him.  And he wants to meet me.  After we meet, how should I ask him for his phone number?  I don’t want to appear desperate or anything.  Because I’m not.”

What a great question.  Indeed, the whole phone number exchange etiquette still has some protocol even in the 21st century.

A lot of single women really prefer it when a man asks them for their phone number first.  We see this as a sign of his masculine interest in us and a demonstration of his masculine pursuit.  It really is true, especially of men under 50 years old or so that they are hormonally wired and programmed to be aggressive and pursue women.  When men and women first meet in-person, the man who is interested in a woman always does introduce himself and asks her for her phone number.  Frankly, if he doesn’t ask you for your phone number when that is how you two have first met, he’s not that interested in you.

However, now that it’s the 21st century and as Match.com’s recent research shows, 1 in 5 relationship starts online.  You two “meet” online.  So many of the romantic body language demonstrations of interest are a bit different.  Additionally many single guys and single women under the age of 30 years old or so are tremendously used to texting.  And texting breeds exchange of very short messages.  It does not mimic real in-person conversations.  It can be quite brief and border on being terse.  Often 1 person texts a phrase, thought, or sentence, and doesn’t get a reply for hours.  Sometimes texting conversations can be misunderstood.  It’s great for quick exchange of information, but texting is not conducive for the communication necessary for relationship building.

When you two have met online, it is best to exchange phone numbers, often a personal cell phone number, prior to meeting F2F.  You want to exchange phone numbers because things can happen before you meet.  There’s an accident on the freeway and you’re going to be 10 minutes late.  You’re there are the location but for some reason you two are not seeing each other.  You’re at the front entrance, he’s at the back entrance.  Having each others’ cell numbers covers you.

Again, here is where women prefer that the man ask for her cell number first.  However, if you two have agreed to a first meeting date and are working out the logistics and he still has not yet asked you for your phone number, ask him for his.  Just use a simple phrase inserted in your email exchange, “oh, and what’s your phone number?”  Wait until he gives you his phone number and then reply with yours.

That’s one simple and easy way to exchange phone numbers.

Happy Dating and Relationships,

April Braswell
Dating and Relationship Expert

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