To build on my Boomer Dating Advice and Tips blog post from yesterday, studies repeatedly have shown that many married couples do meet through people they mutually know.
Well, what about the other side of that phenomena? That our social circle shrinks after 30 when our scores of single friends are often moving off into pair bondings (now I’m talking like the academics! lol!) and getting married. When we were in high school and college, we literally were meeting and mingling with hundreds of people each day and our lifestyle centered around social and study events where we would casually interact often with many of those new people. But life after 30, 40, and 50+ and that is pretty much NOT how our lives are structured. Ergo, the single Boomer who wants a life partner/marriage partner (your choice) often must make a concerted effort to BE MEETING new people and actually weave them into our social lives.
As one who is definitely a Socializer in the temperament charts, I will recommend you want a few of me in your life. We are the natural hostesses. We both naturally already have a number of good acquaintances and are also naturally creating small social gatherings which bring those people together informally.
When you go on initial dates, I recommend Drinks and Appetizers for a Date 0 (Online Dating First Face to Face meeting) or simply any first date to be low key AND adult, not just a race to Starbucks with all the Mums and toddlers (not very romantic). If you find that the two of you don’t really have any chemistry, if they are well-groomed and nice, just no chemistry, aim to weave them into your social life. Often the more mature single, those over 45 and 50 does not take it personally that there is no chemistry. And will often be open to being woven into your life as a social acquaintance.
I would recommend saying something towards the end of the 60-90 mins I recommend for the Date 0 or First Date timeframe. Something gracious and clear like, “Bob, I have so enjoyed meeting and talking with you. I can see we share a passion for Hockey, and here it is Stanley Cup season! I just didn’t feel we were a match [Notice: gracious and clear. Don't mislead him thinking it is a curtousy. It's not.] However, I’m having a group of friends over Thursday night to watch the NHL Playoffs. I’d love it if you would join us. Who knows, maybe you’ll be a fit with one of my other friends. What do you think?”
Be sure to get his email address and send an Evite to him where he can see there are several others being invited as well. Just treat this like it is normal and gracious, and it will be.
For the 20 and 30 somethings, I was recently interviewed by and featured in the Kansas City Star/Ink periodical on Speed Dating Success in Kansas City by journalist and editor, Pamela Spencer.
Happy Dating and Relationships,