Building on my post from the other day about how interracial dating has moved into the mainstream with the wonderful mix and variety of interracial marriages exemplified most recently by Khloe Kardashian’s celebrity wedding to Lamar Odom, many singles are branching out into interracial and cross-cultural dating.
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What are some of the pitfalls of Interracial Dating to avoid?
1. Don’t Pretend You Know Everything About Their Culture
Avoid trying to demonstrate how cool and knowledgeable you already are about knowing their culture. In many ways, it doesn’t matter. You can’t possibly know everything about their culture already. You can tell your date about the time you lived in Japan for 2 years which leaves you with a good introduction to Japanese culture. And then assume the wonderful position of a being a diplomat and ambassador, asking them engaging questions about their life, their family, and what matters most to them. Do listen to them with interest and let your connection develop.
2. Don’t Move Too Quickly
When singles dating across cultural and racial lines, the need to move forward in your relationship slowly is almost greater than it is for “same” race and culture couples. Yes, the contrast in your race and culture may often create heightened chemistry between you two. However, move forward slowly to investigate what each additional level of intimacy means to each of you. Additionally, you want to take your time to connect on multiple levels, not just at the passion level, to create a more connected and bonded relationship. To borrow from the Hindu tradition, you want to connect at multiple Chakra levels, Head, Throat, Heart, Abdoman, not just the the Passion Chakra level which would be only short-lived.
3. Don’t Jump To Conclusions
One of the points I stress to couples dating and forming a relationship who are from different cultures, races, and ethnic backgrounds is that they often are misunderstanding each other. Some of the women will rush to me, “April, you know when a man respects you he does…..” Often my response to her is to suggest she discuss that expectation with her boyfriend. Different behaviors have different cultural meanings. What is considered polite interaction with others in one culture may be deemed as overtly sexual interest in others to another culture. When you surface this and discuss it in your relationship, you create an opportunity to grow closer together as a couple.
When you fling the information at each other in accusations, you put your partner on the defensive. While your feelings and sensibilities might be wounded, in all likelihood your loved one did not say or do something with the overt intention to hurt you. Practice your self-reflective skills, surface things, and discuss them. Then request and negotiate for desired behavior. And you might need to accept that your partner will continue to behave like that, and that the social meaning to them is different than the behavior’s meaning to you.
As you avoid these 3 pitfall Don’ts of Interracial Dating, you are well on your way to creating a lasting love relationship.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
Las Vegas Baby Boomer Dating Expert
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Absolutely excellent interracial dating advice. Communication is vital to developing an understanding of our partner and to the development of a solid relationship.
Health, Fitness for Working People — Darryl Pace
April,
Good advice!
Do what’re appropriate never go wrong. Life is not a matter who’s right or wrong, but what’s appropriate or inappropriate.
It’s always good to come to terms with reality and not in fantasy.
John Ho
Numerology Expert Helps Understanding Personality for Better Influence & Persuasion
A big danger with inter-cultural relationships, in fact ANY relationship, is assuming a person is the same as the stereotype you have in you head for that “type” of person. Every person is unique, and part of building the relationship is exploring that uniqueness.
Martin Wright
Impact, Poise, Presenting
Excellent advice once again from the country’s leading romance coach. I can see how it could be much easier to have misunderstandings with interracial dating. Your advice seems like it could make things go much smoother.
Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert
Babysitting Services, Babysitting Tips, Babysitters, Nannies
Terrific advice April!
Having been married to an African-American woman for 10 years
and having dated someone from another country entirely, I agree whole-heartedly that there are subtle cultural differences.
Keeping an open, eager to learn mindset–call it curious communication–is vital.
Michael
The Success Secrets
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